There comes a time in your life when your parents think you’re ready to be told about the ‘birds-and-bees’. Ah… yes. That wonderful time when you have matured into a brand new young adult and they think you are ready to hear the words that are not normally spoken about. Believe me, your parents are not to thrilled with having to explain this to you about as much as you want to hear the words coming out of their mouth.
At this point, your parents make a plan(ish) and take you aside to explain what happens with your ‘privates’, aka – the ins and outs of sex and your body.
The Plan – when I was growing up there was no YouTube or internet so everything was still explained ‘manually’. Yes I really mean a book. I’m positive I got the same book as my sisters. Mom kept it after they read it and passed it on to me, so by the time I got it, it was fairly worn out.
When I talked with my boys, we had internet by that time so there ya go! Almost every time you clicked on something, you were redirected to a porn site. This was about the same time anti-virus software was gaining speed but not so much at our house. Whereas when they were younger, I remember telling them “boys have a dewey” and “girls have a regina”. One friend said it was easier to explain if you drew stick people. A penis, okay. A vagina, not so much. WTF!! That was not the way to go. Eventually I explained it in the best way I knew how, correct names and all.
The Execution – Deciding what’s the best way to explain to your child about sex. Use any and all aids you feel comfortable with. That’s what the professionals say. Some parents use dolls, books or stuffies. I DO NOT recommend the stuffies! Your child will be scared for life after hearing and seeing how you have used ‘Petey Panda’ and ‘Bernice Bear’ to help explain sex to them. Ken and Barbie don’t really work either. Poor Ken has never been anatomically correct so how do you explain that! He looks the same as Barbie. Most likely your child will be older so stuffies and dolls are probably not a part of their world anymore. Stick with a book. This is a good one and it’s been around since forever. Where Did I Come From – by Peter Mayle
Using words like ‘privates’ is confusing, don’t you think? Calling genitalia your privates would lead the kid to believe that boys and girls have the exact same parts. Call it what it is, problem solved. Sure you could pass-the-buck and tell them to talk to the school nurse but how much actual information is she allowed to give. Some parents may be offended if she offered a little more information that they didn’t want little Johnny to hear just yet. I’ve heard YouTube is helpful-ish. Lets say you took notes and explained what you saw and heard (if you don’t know part names and can’t explain babies at your age maybe YouTube is more for you than the kid). You know their curiosity will be piqued by now so most likely they will explore YouTube on their own.
Don’t bother telling them it’s ‘dirty’ or ‘wrong’ that never flies. When you were a teen or pre-teen didn’t your hormones rule your body? They will follow the hormones where-ever they are taken. You see a cute girl or guy and your hormones are screaming at you to follow them. That, my friend, is human nature.
Explaining safety is paramount. You know they are going to have sex at some point so you need to arm them with the best ways to stay safe. In my day, the ‘Guidance Counselor’ would explain what happened before, during and after sex. It was an actual class when I was in school. I remember her using a banana to show how you put a condom on. That always got a laugh and a room full of red faces! She would slowly move on to the different ways to be safe but always went back to the condom use. It really is the best way to protect yourself and your partner. Hopefully your little brother hasn’t poked holes in the condom you use. Boys will be boys and they think it’s funny. Yes this happened in my family and she got pregnant. Oops!
Have you ever been at a Wildlife Park and all of a sudden the male horse is looking like he may pole-vault into the next pen? (Cue Marvin Gaye’s – Let’s Get It On) Try explaining that to a bewildered 7-year-old girl! “Nana, what’s wrong with that horse?” “Well, I’m not sure. Let’s ask Mom and Dad when we get home.” It’s better to give that type of question to the parents and then they can decide how they want to tell their child.
The Conclusion – After you’ve had the talk and for years to come, I can’t express the importance of safe sex enough. For my generation and the generations before me, teenagers will have sex. Trying to stop it will be futile. Explaining the different types of contraceptives, their uses and effectiveness will be your best and only defence. Prepare first off so that when the time comes to talk about the ‘birds and bees’ you will be able to explain everything to the best of your ability.